New jokes

New 100 jokes in our collection ordered by date from new jokes to old ones. Please rate new jokes by clicking on smiles, so new jokes will be also rated!

A skeleton walks into a bar and says,"Give me a drink and rag."

rating: 2.08 of 96 votessend joke:

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What's a crocodile's favorite shoe?
A Crocs.

rating: 2.53 of 66 votessend joke:

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This black woman was vastly overweight, and I mean MASSIVE and she went to see the doctor about her weight.
She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?"
The doctor replies, "Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!"
She says, "WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?"
The doctor says, "Next time your ordered food."

rating: 3.27 of 45 votessend joke:

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A man is working a a d*ldo store, when a brunette walks in.
She asks him how much for the black d*ldo? he replies $50 for the black one, $50 for the white one. She leaves without purchasing anything.
A red head walks in and asks him how much for the white d*ldo? he replies $50 for the white one, $50 for the black one. she doesn't buy anything.
A blonde enters the store and asks him how much for a d*ldo? He answers $50 for a black one, $50 for a white one.
She asks how much for the plaid one on the shelf behind him? he says oh thats a very special one, thats $250. She buys it.
At closing, the manager walk in and asks the man how much he sold. The man said no d*ldos but i sold your thermos for $250.

rating: 3.25 of 64 votessend joke:

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A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"

rating: 2.77 of 57 votessend joke:

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A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car.
He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

rating: 3.79 of 105 votessend joke:

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

rating: 3.71 of 56 votessend joke:

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What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!

rating: 2.39 of 97 votessend joke:

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When did Pinocio realized that he is made from wood?
When his right arm caught on fire...

rating: 2.74 of 102 votessend joke:

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Ms.Battle: Henry,I hope I didn't see you copying Casey's math test.
Henry: I hope you didn't either.

rating: 3.16 of 58 votessend joke:

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