category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 11-7-2008
A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "you can't come in here... you have to go to the other place". But the lawyer was really good and pleaded his case to the point where St. Peter said, "OK... here's what I'll do. You will spend the same amount of time in hell as you did on earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here." The lawyer figured this wasn't too bad of a deal, so he said "OK". St. Peter said, "Great... I'll see you in 350 years.". The lawyer said, "But, how is that possible... I'm only 65 years old!". St Peter said, "We go by billing hours".
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 9-7-2008
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 8-7-2008
What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 5-7-2008
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 1-7-2008
What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 30-6-2008
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 28-6-2008
A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms. The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light. They came to the Lawyer's room. It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar. The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!" St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 22-6-2008
Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work. I don\'t understand, Cindy complained. When people find out Im a lawyer, they take an instant dislike to me. Why would they do that? Her friend appeared to think for a moment and then suggested, Maybe it just saves time.
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 24-3-2008
A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
rating: 68.8%
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 24-3-2008
Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were. "Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated. "Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?" "Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
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