Family jokes

Funny jokes about family, wedding jokes, marriage jokes. ....

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category: Family jokes11.

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

rating: 3.54 of 594 votes

category: Family jokes12.

A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x. The code is: "Making a call."
One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call.
The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order.
Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call.
The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."

rating: 3.53 of 591 votes

category: Family jokes13.

"Yes brother," says Paddy.
"Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick.
"It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy.
A month later Paddy calls Mick.
"Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says Paddy.
"That's wonderful Paddy, what did you call them?" says Mick.
"I called the girl Deniece," says Paddy.
"And what did you call the boy?"
"I called the boy De nephew."

rating: 3.53 of 592 votes

category: Family jokes14.

A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."

rating: 3.54 of 595 votes

category: Family jokes15.

Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want."
The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

rating: 3.53 of 589 votes

category: Family jokes16.

It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.

rating: 3.53 of 590 votes

category: Family jokes17.

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

rating: 3.53 of 590 votes

category: Family jokes18.

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

rating: 3.53 of 589 votes

category: Family jokes19.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

rating: 3.53 of 589 votes

category: Family jokes20.

A wife sending a short message to her husband:
It was just said on the news that they found a hideous corpse with a hollow head, a cigar among ugly rotten teeth and a bottle of liquor in his hand. I'm worried about you!. Please, give me a ring...

rating: 3.53 of 591 votes

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