Dirty jokes

Dirty jokes are based on taboo, often s*xual content or vocabulary.
Jokes deals with topics that are considered to be in poor taste or overly vulgar by the prevailing morals in a culture.

One night on christmas eve, santa came down the chimney. He was putting toys under the tree for the good girls and boys of the house. When he got the errie feeling that someone was staring at him. He turned around and sure enough a lady in a nelgiee was looking at him.
When she noticed santa looking at her she said, "Santa can you stay, can yuo stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey hey, me have to go. Have to deliever toys for good girls and boys."
So then she pulled down her negliee and showed santa her breast. "Santa, can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey, hey, hey. Me got to go. Have to deliever toys to good girls and boys."
Then she took off everything and stood naked in front of santa and said, "Santa can you stay, can you stay?"
Santa, "Hey,hey, hey. Me have to stay. Can't go up the chimney this a way!"

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A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriends house and the girlfriend said to her mom, "Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room" and the mom says, "Ok honey, you kids have fun."
When they are up their the mom hears: "Baby baby baby oh!"
The mom walks to the door and ask, "What the hell is going on?"
The girl says, "Mom were just having s*x." and the mom says, "Oh thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber."

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Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

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My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that.
Can you imagine?
Two dinners!

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A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special offer for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says slowly, "Paint my house."

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I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.
I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."

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There was once a priest who wanted to loosen up and get some entertaiment
His brother a pimp showed him to a strip club, but the priest yelled, "Are you out of your mind!?"
The brother countered, "Got any better ideas?"
The priest nodded and took him to a boy scout camp and said, "Litte boy I will give you 10 dollars to take off your clothes and shake it!"
The little boy accepted and started to dance. The priest excitedly said, "NOW THIS IS ENTERTAIMENT!"

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In the morning Little Johnny says to his father, "Daddy last night I had my first s*xual encounter."
His father looks at him proudly and says, "When are you planniing to do it again?"
"I don't know daddy ever since it happened my ass has been hurting like crazy."

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Jimmy was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in inappropriate parts and said to his dad, "I wish I could do that."
Jimmy's dad looked down at Jimmy and said, "Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!!"

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He came into my room late at night. He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left. It was terrible. It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!

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