Bar jokes

Funny jokes from bar, drinking jokes, beer jokes, drunk jokes, ....

4 gay guys walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left.
One gay guy suggest to play rock, paper, scissors and the other gay guy says'
"Stop all this nonsense. Lets just flip the stool over."

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Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks 'whats your name ?'
'Carmen' she replies, '... I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?'
The man looks her up and down and sayes 'Beerpussy ...'

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Two friends were having a discussion about their relatives....

"I'll never amount to anything in life..", said the one friend. "In fact, my uncle is the town drunk.."
"Well...that's not too bad.", replied the other, trying to console his friend. "Where does your uncle live..?"
"New York City..."

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An Irishman, an Italian, and a Pollack were having a drink together at the local tavern.

The Irishman says, "...You know, where I'm from, there's a bar called "O'Mally's", where you buy a drink, then you buy another drink, and then O'Mally himself buys you a drink."

The Italian then says, "Well....where I'm from, there's a place called "Vinnie's", where you buy a drink, then Vinnie buy you a drink, then you buy another drink, and then Vinnie buys you another drink.."

The Pollack then says "Well...where I come from, there's a bar where they buy you a drink, then they buy you another drink, and then they buy you another drink, and then they take you in back, and then you get laid !".

The Irishman and the Italian both respond with, "Gee....that sounds like a great place ! Have you ever been there ?"

"No..." said the Pollack, "....but my sister has ...."

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Man goes to the doctors and sayes 'doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !' Doctor replies 'do you drink much ?' Man says 'no, I spill most of it !'

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A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife.
After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?
"Well, you've got a lot of nerve !. First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas !"

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There was a guy in a bar one night that got drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed, he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk.

So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well, the nun was totally surprised, but before she could do or say anything, he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt. Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.

By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much. So then he leaned over her, put his face right next to hers and said;

"Not very f..kin' strong tonight, are you Batman?"

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Alcohol doesn't make you FAT ... it makes you LEAN ... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people !

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A rabbi, a priest, and a bishop walk into a bar.

The bartender says,"What is this, some kind of joke?"

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."

rating: 3.83 of 659 votessend joke:

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