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Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."

rating: 3.76 of 150 votessend joke:

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Teacher: "Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought happpines and peace into people lives?"
Student: " Smo-king", Drin-king and Fuc-king"

rating: 3.76 of 139 votessend joke:

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One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France.
Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!"
Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!"
Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy."
Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."

rating: 3.75 of 1887 votessend joke:

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One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"

rating: 3.75 of 440 votessend joke:

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A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" the man replies. "Can you get him for me?" she asks. "I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't", breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him", she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the woman's room."

rating: 3.75 of 625 votessend joke:

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A white guy walks into a bar and asked a black guy for a bl*w job.
The black guy beat him up and threw him out of the bar.
The bartender then asked, "What did he say to you?
The black guy responded I don't know all I heard is something about a job!!

rating: 3.74 of 1412 votessend joke:

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A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:
- Do you have any bananas?
- No,I don't. ( says the barman)
- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey)
- No,I have not got any bananas!!!
- Do you have any bananas?
- If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter!!!
- Do you have any nails?
- No,I don't.
- Do you have any bananas?

rating: 3.74 of 258 votessend joke:

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A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"

rating: 3.74 of 167 votessend joke:

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What goes black white black white.........?
A penguin rolling down a hill!

What's black and white and laughing?
The penguin who pushed him!

rating: 3.74 of 125 votessend joke:

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A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:

"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

rating: 3.74 of 450 votessend joke:

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