Best 100 short funny jokes based on visitors votes.
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One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"
This guy comes back from the toilet, when a women says to him, "Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open"!"
As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile,"Did you see my big black hummer?"
The woman replies, "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."
Blonde: Hey, What does 'IDK' mean?
Brunnete: I don't know.
Blonde: Oh my god NOBODY KNOWS!
A blond was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver Thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk To ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold."
"Wow, said the blond, "That's amazing....I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day..
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he asked?
"Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things Cold," she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied..... ..."Two Popsicles and some coffee."
Teacher: "Can you tell the name of 3 great Kings who have brought happpines and peace into people lives?"
Student: " Smo-king", Drin-king and Fuc-king"
What happened when the shark became famous?
He tured into a starfish.
A total naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the taxi driver, "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a naked woman?" The taxi driver replied, "No, I just wonder where you have my money."rating: 3.77 of 611 votessend joke:rate joke:
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop.
Few moments later an elderly man stood near him and kept staring at him hard.
Annoyed by the stares the guy asked him, "Wotz up oldie! Never done something wild?"
To this the old man replied, "Yeah,I f*cked a peahen once and I'm wondering if you are my son."
What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"FIRETRUCK"!!! What were you thinking?
What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?
What were you thinking?!?!?!