Best 100 short funny jokes based on visitors votes.
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Your mama so ugly, when she went to a stripping club, they paid her to keep her clothes on.rating: 3.79 of 1095 votessend joke:rate joke:
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:
"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"
What is a bunny's favorite music?
I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said, "I love you".
She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking"
I said, "It's me........I'm talking to the beer"!
Yo mama so stupid, I said, "Why do you have 2 quarters in your ears?" and she said, "I am listening to 50 cent."rating: 3.77 of 2009 votessend joke:rate joke:
Teacher:(I killed a person.)tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student: In future tense, (You will go to jail.)
I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.
I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."
Your mama is so ugly, that she made a blind kid cry.rating: 3.77 of 942 votessend joke:rate joke: