Best 100 short funny jokes based on visitors votes. Please rate funny short jokes by clicking on smiles, so funniest jokes will be also best jokes on our web site!
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A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:
"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
rating: 3.78 of 736 votes
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
rating: 3.78 of 335 votes
Yo mama so ugly when she goes to the store she makes the onions cry.
rating: 3.78 of 190 votes
I came over to my blonde friend the other day and said, "Hey look a dead bird."
She looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
rating: 3.78 of 671 votes
Teacher:(I killed a person.)tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student: In future tense, (You will go to jail.)
rating: 3.78 of 722 votes
There were two retired men. One of the men said "I feel like a newborn baby,". The other man asked why. The man said, " I have no hair, no teeth, and I just peed in my pants.send funny joke:
rating: 3.78 of 67 votes
Yo mama so stupid, I said, "Why do you have 2 quarters in your ears?" and she said, "I am listening to 50 cent."send funny joke:
rating: 3.77 of 2015 votes
I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.
I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."
rating: 3.77 of 758 votes
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."
rating: 3.77 of 2076 votes
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
rating: 3.77 of 1369 votes